What Is Cyber Bullying?

This page is just one of a whole series I have published to help the victims of bullying. Since 2008 I have been campaigning against bullying as a result of my own daughter being the victim of school bullying for three years.

Definition of Cyber Bullying

"Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others."

This definition is attributed to Bill Belsey the founder of Cyberbullying.org.

Cyber Bullying is illegal in the US and UK.

A conviction for Cyber Bullying carries a criminal record that can have far reaching consequences.

In his book Teen Cyberbullying Investigated Judge Tom Jacobs asks how do teens know when they may be “one click away from the clink”? We are presented with some landmark court cases involving teenagers charged with Cyber Bullying.

Each Chapter takes a form of Cyberbullying and presents a related case, urging the readers to consider how the outcome of the case will impact both the target and the victim.

In my experience the only difference between Cyber Bullying and other forms of bullying is that electronic communication is the medium used to conduct the bullying. By electronic communication I mean:

• text via mobile devices
• email
• comments on blogs
• comments on websites
• nasty comments in Forums
• Social Media sites like Facebook and Twitter
• online games consoles
• digital cameras
• posting derogatory images

Here in the UK many schools have had to call in the police to deal with incidences of Cyber Bullying and in 2010 I sat in on a meeting between a local Community Police Officer, a Senior Teacher and some Year 7 girls who had been involved in Bullying on Facebook.

I have to admit I was utterly dumbfounded at the naivity and the ignorance of the parents of the students involved.

One of the girls had been stupid enough to give her Facebook password to a "friend". This "friend" then, unbeknown to the girl who owned the Facebook Account, logged into the girl's account and started posting bullying messages to another girl.

None of these parents were really aware of what their kids were up to online, which was so serious that they were warned by the police that if they were called in again, it would not be an informal chat in the School Boardroom - the next "chat" would take place at the Police Station.

As with other forms of bullying, those who are involved in Cyber Bullying frequently use groups of friends to target their victim. They may suggest to friends that they add a derogatory comment to a photo on a blog, or forward something embarrassing onto another group of friends.

Facebook is full of arguments between young people, that then escalate into insults, foul language and then bullying.

In some cases the Bullies start spreading rumours that are untrue. In many instances these youngsters don’t even realise they’re actually bullying someone.

But because parents are so afraid of "invading their kids' privacy", they don't even know the half of what is going on.

When we decided to allow our daughter to have a Facebook account, we made it a condition that she "friended" me so I can keep an eye on what is happening on her Wall.

The really sad thing about all of this is, that as in the playground, the majority of kids socialising online want to feel liked and accepted by the other kids in their social networks. Some find it very hard to "unfriend" or block anyone in their network who they don't actually like, even when they are behaving badly.

It is amazing how as parents we spend a lot of time teaching our kids how to cross the road safely, but because technology has developed so fast, some parents find it really hard to know where to start to keep their kids safe online.

Here's some tips you can teach your children to ensure that they do not get caught up in Cyber Bullying, either through being bullied or unwittingly bullying someone else:

• always respect others
• think before you send
• never share your password (it is as bad as sharing a toothbrush!)
• don't be scared to block anyone
• do not retaliate or reply
• save the evidence
• tell someone you trust - parents, teachers, carers
• never allow anyone else to use your account to post or send messages

The last one is a "biggie". We had this happen recently. A girl, who my daughter has blocked on Facebook, persuaded a friend to allow her to send my daughter a private mesage. The message was unwelcome and made false accusations, probably as a result of yet another girl spreading lies.

If it happens again, I will report the girls to Facebook for harrassment and try to get their Facebook accounts deleted.

As we have already seen, children, young people and yes, us adults, like to think we are liked. It seems that on Cyber Networks we are in danger of allowing ourselves to be judged by how many "friends" we have on these networks. But what is the point?

Before I "friend" anyone on sites like Facebook and Twitter, I think about who they are, if I already have an online or offline relationship with them and if I do not, then how can what they have to say be of value to me, as well as what I can offer them.

Children find it hard to stand up to bullies. They just want to be liked. They are also scared that they will "miss out" if they don't join in.

Teach your Child to be strong and to have the courage to unfriend people who are mean to them, and others online. And also teach them they do not have to accept friend requests from people they do not really like.